The Power of Positive Parenting



It doesn't matter if you are young or old, single, or married.  It also doesn't matter if you are heterosexual, gay, polyamorous, atheist or a religious parent. If you focus on the good around you, show gratuity to what is in your life, listen more than you speak as well as watch your words (making sure they are kind) you are most likely to influence your children to be as positive as you are.

In a world where things are mostly negative we have to change ourselves first. We must love and take care of ourselves first.

Whoa. Did I just offend anyone? It sounds very selfish, however, I will explain.

If you do not love yourself first, then how can you love anyone else?  How can you take care of anyone else if you are not taking care of yourself first?

There are many people like myself who did not have the perfect childhood or even close to it. I was raised by family members other than my parents for the majority of the first 18 years of my life. I got shuffled back and forth between Texas and Tennessee countless times. I was raised in all kinds of different ways.

I had enthusiastic, happy, positve people and then there were the pessimistic, focus-on-the-negative guardians.  I admit that I felt alone in my trek to finding out who I am and what my purpose on this Earth is supposed to be.

I vowed I would do so much more for my children, especially spend time with them.

Years later though, I really was Not prepared for the "Big Picture."  

I discovered I was very impatient, easily agitated and catching myself saying things that had the potential of being very hurtful.

I began to resent myself and felt like a failure inside.

Then I met people who taught me that it wasn't impossible to change my attitude.  I just had to have the desire to want to change and believe I can do it.

The hardest part had to be learning to let go and take care of myself first and foremost. I hadn't had a break in who knows how long. My counselor, friends, mentors and family were pressing for me to just go out and do something for myself. But I had this huge sense of guilt when it came to my kids.  All I had to do was just take that step like take myself to the movies.

Typically, I was taking my kids everywhere. If I went to the movies it was with them, going out to eat was the same ordeal. Renting movies or video games circled around them.

I finally ended up going to the movies on the spur of a moment, even when the movie I wanted to see wasn't showing at the time. I was anxious the entire movie which was fun though.

I didn't do anything else for awhile.

It took me another year to start doing things for myself first. friends, family and mentors had to drill in my head I deserved to take time for myself.  They kept reminding me of how could I possibly take care of my kids if I wasn't taking care of myself?  I knew they were right. I just didn't know how to break free from this overwhelming guilt as if I was neglecting my kids or worse- being selfish.

So, why am I telling my story?

I wasn't being a positive parent or a role model to my children.

How did I break free from my guilt? I did the most drastic thing that scared me yet it taught me to just let go and things will work out.  I planned my very first personal gift to myself by going on a cruise.

I took two friends with me who had helped me tremendously over the last year not just with me, but my kids.

I had four months to think about this vacation of a lifetime. I even put travelers insurance on the vacation if I decided to back out. I actually waited until the very last minute to find people to help care for my kids while I was away. My daughter stayed with a basketball teammate until the end of the week then went to her fathers. Her brother stayed with my parents until the end of the week as well. My youngest was at his fathers due to the visitation schedule in place.  

I still worried about my two oldest children until the ship was out in the Atlantic Ocean. I had to be reassured everything was fine.

This time also taught my children a huge lesson. They were so dependent on mommy all the time. Mommy had never left them overnight anywhere for more than one night before.

After the vacation I felt renewed. I felt ready to come back and tackle challenges facing me with my children.

My oldest son Caleb is my biggest concern. I have been pressed to find him a male mentor/father figure. Yet I have been pressed to do more by being the mom and the dad.  There were days I felt inadequate as a parent. I felt others expected way too much of me. It was unfair that I was expected to be the mom and the dad because there are things I just could not do.

I interacted with my children yet they still had negative issues.

I went deeper within besides talking with people from my newly found church.  I have been taught to look for the good in everything and everyone around me. Changing my words I learned was also very important because well, they are very powerful.

Recently, I discovered part of my son Caleb's problems have been related to nutrition. I began feeding him breakfast in the mornings along with giving him a vitamin supplement. His whole demeanor has calmed in the process leading to him having greater days at school and with his after school program

One of the greatest moments was just two days before Mother's Day (2008). Friday as I was dropping Caleb off at school he turned around and said "Mommy, I Love You." Caleb has never said those words to me before that day.

Just those four words let me know that I am on the right track to becoming a more positive parent.